Asked and Answered

Popular with international celebrity nanny types the asked and answered approach states that if your kid asks for something, say: ice cream, and you say no, and then moments later when they ask for ice cream again, you simply say “asked and answered” like some sort of automaton programed with a level of sarcasm dialed up to eleven.

As they continue to chant their request for ice cream you repeat the phrase, “asked and answered.” Every subsequent time you’re programed to becoming more robotic in your response.

The theory is that by restricting your response to a dying HAL level of disinterest you’ll avoid entering into an escalating argument about why they can’t have ice cream.

However if the child is anything like mine they’ll spontaneously loose all function in their legs, drop to the floor while instantaneously gaining 600kg and proceed to become an immovable mass the likes of which The Hulk couldn’t budge.

Naturally, once they smell the giddy tang of victory, they’ll develop all the symptoms of someone in a full seizure and the belligerence of a Klingon warrior entering a blood rage.

This will continue regardless of how many times you utter “asked and answered.”

As far as I can comprehend we, collectively as parents, have two choices:

  1. Continue to speak the phrase with steadily decreasing enthusiasm until you finally lose consciousness and fall to floor in a quivering jelly like mass.
  2. Relent early and have ice cream with them.

In all likelihood I’m inclined to choose option no.2

It really makes you wonder why you’d ever expend hours of time and terawatts of energy on a futile exercise like apathy because of your childs unwavering persistence.

Isn’t it easier to just; have ice cream, or new shoes, or play in traffic, or commit acts of pure evil?


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